The assumptions behind THE question

Ben and I are married for more than four years (woohoo!) and especially in the last 2 years, I had been asked again and again the age old question of “When are you going to have a kid”. The frequency gets so high that I can sometimes get asked once a week, and over the past two days, thrice.

This morning, I begin to think again about this issue. I begin to think that behind the questions lie the following assumptions
1. This couple does not want a child
2. This couple is not trying hard enough
3. There is something wrong with the woman

True?

1. This couple does not want a child While I do not deny that there are couple friends whom I know who truly do not want children, I think it is unfair for the “concerned questioner” to assume that this couple does not want a child. I have had people telling me, “don’t wait anymore la”, “you are not young anymore you know”, “you have been married for so long, why are you still waiting”. So excuse me, but Ben and I do want a child, and have been praying about it. Please do not assume that we are waiting for more time to pass before we have one. The only “wait” in this whole process is “waiting upon our Lord”.

2. This couple is not trying hard enough Well-meaning advice from sex positions, to TCM recommendation to gynae recommendation, we have had them all. Think about the complexities of conceiving before thinking we are not trying hard enough please.

3. There is something wrong with the woman Oh yes, I have had comments about the inability of my womb, which is largely insulting to me. I think people need to get round the fact that conception is both a man and a woman’s job. After all, you need a sperm and an egg right?

And above all of this, our heartfelt words about conceiving, childbirth and child raising: we are trusting God in this whole process. While we look like we are not doing anything (ie. going for checkups, visiting TCMs, visiting gynaes), we are actually mostly on our knees before our Lord. We believe that our God, an Almighty creator of the universe, and at the same time a loving Father who personally takes care of our needs, has His own time with regard to our family. We believe that our children are gifts from God and we will be called to be good stewards of this gift that God will bestow. Perhaps the time is not now, perhaps the time is later, but at any time, God’s time is good. So dear friends and family, should you ask Ben or I this question again, the answer will still be the same “In God’s time, in God’s grace”.

Won’t you pray for us?

Coming back to the blog

I’ve returned to the blog. I had been thinking many times about starting a new blog, because there are many thoughts that I hold, which I feel cannot be posted on other social media. I post not because I want to gain sympathy, but because I want to journal something that Ben and I can look back on.

Since we got married 4.5years ago, many things had happened, and I guess one of the new journeys we had embarked on was on the journey of parenthood. Does parenthood start when the moment your child arrives? I think not. I think the journey of parenthood begins when we surrender ourselves to God and trust that He will gift us a precious one. I think the journey of parenthood begins when we begin to grow in our faith and allow God to teach us on that.

Ben and I had been trying to conceive since more than 2 years ago, and it had not been the easiest journey. Some of my friends conceive on their first try, some many years. We belong to the latter, and find that few understand that journey. It had been a trying journey because you hope and your hopes get dashed every month; because unknowing people come up to you and say “when is your turn?”; because unknowing people come up to you and ask “don’t you want to have kids?”; because kind-hearted people try to offer words of advice and strategies to conceive. For me, the most difficult had been having to respond to these questions, not just from strangers, but also from family members and people we know. Every time they ask they remind me of my dashed hopes, every time they ask they made me feel like I had been a failure, every time they ask I begin to feel lonely and judged. Every time they offer a “new” strategy, I felt like telling them that “I know, but it is not God’s time yet”.

Indeed, perhaps one of the most difficult thing for us is to walk this journey of faith. Every time we tell someone that we are trusting God to gift us a little one, they will say “yes, but…..”. Why is there a “but?”. Ben and I are holding on tightly to God, asking him, in faith, and in expectance, for His gift, in His time, and I hope that others would walk this journey with us. Because when God withholds, it is for His glory, it is for His plan, and it is within His will. We may not know what lies ahead, but we know that God holds our future and our tomorrow, and that includes our family. So as we walk this journey of faith, my prayer is that those who wish to walk with us will pray for us and encourage us. Not strategies, not questions, not judgement.

Money $ense

(I really should be doing work, but it’s a Saturday!)

Recently, Ben and I had been talking about money. We were not really counting money, but talking about it because we were counting our blessings, and giving thanks that God has blessed us with more than sufficient.

A little less than 2 years ago, we got married. We put in almost all our savings in the purchase of the house, which left us with just enough to get by each day. We were blessed by people who bought us the washing machine, who blessed us with an oven, who blessed us with furniture, who blessed us with utensils etc etc. We bought little items for the house and slowly built up our home. At the same time, God blessed us with pay increments and bonuses so that we became more and more comfortable. This Christmas and Chinese New Year, Ben and I were happy to say that we are more than comfortable, and have slowly built up our savings.

However, we both shared this same sentiment – we were uncomfortable to be spending too easily! How odd.. Ben could only sum it up with – I think I don’t like to be rich. Not that we are scoffing at money, but I think when we were not so comfortable, we were more cautious with our money, and we make our every penny well spent. Perhaps of course, the more one earns, the better things one buys. But perhaps we were already happy in the way we were living, and may perhaps choose to stay in that manner for a little while more.

Whatever the case is, I think God for every little blessing He has given to us. With a comfortable life, it means that we can save more so that if a little one comes along, Ben won’t be too stressed with me being a SAHM!🙂

~Mei

Into 2012

2011 came and said goodbye, quite quickly. Thanksgiving for 2011 on another day, but it’s now 10 days into 2012, and hello to yet another fast-moving year🙂

This year, we turn 30, and Ben pondered for a long time on his resolution. (Mine was to read 25 books :p). It struck me that he repeated the phrase “Jesus began his ministry when he turned 30” several times and I wonder what wonderful things God has in store for us this year. More importantly, I’m thankful that, as the head of this household, Ben asked what resolutions our family unit will be making. Indeed, we, as a family unit, will be seeking and asking for God’s directions and we pray only that we will be obedient to Him! Keep us in prayers!🙂

~Mei

First year anniversary….

For our lovenest🙂

We’ve been staying in our lovenest for a year now and we are loving every moment spent here. Memories created and a home being established.

耶和华为我家之主!

Snippets of life at Serangoon…

Our friends came over last night after a late diner/supper and we played four rounds of monopoly deal :p It was a fun night! We haven’t done this in a long while. When we were younger, we often play card games overnight at youth camps :p

At 5am this morning, our friendly neighbours decided to start quarrelling. In Tamil. So early in the morning! sigh.

Taste Paradise

Was at Taste Paradise (Ion Orchard) with Ben and Emmy yesterday. We were supposed to meet Sarala for dinner, but she ended up having too long a meeting with her client. It was my first time at Taste Paradise, and my first thought was that it is quite an “atas” place🙂 We had wanted to go for dim sum, but Taste Paradise did not offer dim sum for dinner.

Taste Paradise is a very nicely done up place. There were big portraits of the kings of the various dynasties, making the place feel important and grand. At the same time, the soft yellow lights created a warm ambience, lulling Ben to sleep :p I enjoyed the attention paid to details, and definitely enjoyed the food!🙂

Look at the spout

 

Close up

I particularly liked the teapot!🙂 It was well-chosen because the spout makes it almost certain that there will not be a spill. Loved the intricate cups as well. The xiang pian tea did get a lil too bitter for my liking towards the end though.

Grilled pork with plum sauce

This was a chef’s recommendation and definitely a winner! yums! The pork was very tender and the sauces infused! Reminded Ben and I of Naughty Nuri’s in Bali🙂

Mango Puree with pomelo and coconut ice cream

I had this for dessert. When it came, it sat on a cup of dry ice, so it was “smoking” non-stop. A winner in presentation🙂 The mango puree was yums and the coconut ice-cream was a very good complement to the mango taste🙂 must try! Ben tried the fried durian puree which was just as delicious!



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