Ben and I are married for more than four years (woohoo!) and especially in the last 2 years, I had been asked again and again the age old question of “When are you going to have a kid”. The frequency gets so high that I can sometimes get asked once a week, and over the past two days, thrice.
This morning, I begin to think again about this issue. I begin to think that behind the questions lie the following assumptions
1. This couple does not want a child
2. This couple is not trying hard enough
3. There is something wrong with the woman
1. This couple does not want a child While I do not deny that there are couple friends whom I know who truly do not want children, I think it is unfair for the “concerned questioner” to assume that this couple does not want a child. I have had people telling me, “don’t wait anymore la”, “you are not young anymore you know”, “you have been married for so long, why are you still waiting”. So excuse me, but Ben and I do want a child, and have been praying about it. Please do not assume that we are waiting for more time to pass before we have one. The only “wait” in this whole process is “waiting upon our Lord”.
2. This couple is not trying hard enough Well-meaning advice from sex positions, to TCM recommendation to gynae recommendation, we have had them all. Think about the complexities of conceiving before thinking we are not trying hard enough please.
3. There is something wrong with the woman Oh yes, I have had comments about the inability of my womb, which is largely insulting to me. I think people need to get round the fact that conception is both a man and a woman’s job. After all, you need a sperm and an egg right?
And above all of this, our heartfelt words about conceiving, childbirth and child raising: we are trusting God in this whole process. While we look like we are not doing anything (ie. going for checkups, visiting TCMs, visiting gynaes), we are actually mostly on our knees before our Lord. We believe that our God, an Almighty creator of the universe, and at the same time a loving Father who personally takes care of our needs, has His own time with regard to our family. We believe that our children are gifts from God and we will be called to be good stewards of this gift that God will bestow. Perhaps the time is not now, perhaps the time is later, but at any time, God’s time is good. So dear friends and family, should you ask Ben or I this question again, the answer will still be the same “In God’s time, in God’s grace”.
Won’t you pray for us?